PanOstic

About a decade ago, in the throes of a deep depression, I stared out the window of a car. As the car passes under a lamppost I caught a glimpse of my reflection, and I wasn't quite shocked to see that the girl in the glass looked just as sad as I felt. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and the sight inspired a poem. I found that poem again a few days ago, and my heart ached at the pain the words conveyed. I thought about keeping it, but it was just too sad... So I rewrote it, instead. This is the finished product: I stare at the mirror And look through the glass The woman behind it Stares right back She watches me With knowing eyes And seems know Just what lies Beyond the shadows Of day and night And yet she waits Silently Years ago When smiles were tears And hours were years And hopes were fears I asked myself: What would it be like? The existence seemed grim: To never laugh, Except with them To cry their tears And share their fears ...But also ...

Sometimes a Mirror is all that I see when I'm staring at you and you're looking at me & sometimes I think, why not just let it be? We don't need to force the direction & then there's the words – all the things that I hear The good and the bad, spoken year after year & even my own oft' perpetuate fear Despite all my "best of intentions" My brain runs away from me; scurries on fast & though I can catch it, I know it won't last & soon - oh so soon! - I Know all will be past All the thoughts & the words & inflections But maybe that's best, as I sit down to think No don't think, but feel! Yes, feel it to the brink Feel the whole Universe within a blink As you stare into each new Reflection

Once there was a Mormon. Scratch that; there were two Mormons. These Mormons grew up in the same state, but never met. Over the course of their lives, they both realized that what they'd been taught to believe was true... maybe wasn't so much. After much searching, he became Agnostic.  She, non-denominational Christian. I'm the Christian.  Or rather, I was.  I no longer claim that title, but years ago donned the mantel "Follower of Christ."  Today I still claim Christ as my mentor, but "Pantheist" could now go along with that... Yet even that falls short.  Truly all words do. Although my journey is a long one, and if you're so inclined you may read about it here , that is not the purpose of this blog. As a pantheist (read: universalist), my views are often shifting and changing.  Sometimes they stay the same for what feels like forever, and when they change it is like being hit by a train... Other times they shift so subtly that I scarc...